This just in: A white man got a touchdown today. Is Green Bay's Tucker Kraft the next Jason Whitten? GB got the W in a more emotional than expected ending.
The Bills were defeated by the Pats. No team in the NFL is undefeated any longer.
The Texans destroyed hopes and dreams of Bmore fans everywhere, defeating The Ravens by 34 points, a tie for the worst loss the Baltimore Ravens franchise has ever experienced.
Is that his real name? Why don't I know who that guy is? I thought I knew the players. That name is too outrageous to be real. You're not alone. Other people have these thoughts too -- even Andy Reid, apparently. I need another Andy, immediately. Cleanup on aisle 5.
The Eagles got beaten by The Broncos. We'll see how Buffalo does tonight.
The WNBA got real WNBA in the finals, didn't it? I was going to make an ace joke, but I thought it might be considered offensive.
The Buffalo Bills and the Philadelphia Eagles are both undefeated 4-0. You don't see a field goal block/runback like the one in Dallas tonight every day, week, or even season... Dallas and Green Bay tied tonight in overtime. This is why overtime games ought to ALWAYS be sudden death. One team needs to win, and one team needs to lose.
This just in: Snoop Dog is apparently hosting the 2026 Olympics in Northern Italy right after the Super Bowl, according to NBC who is the network covering the Olympics.
Throwback news from yesterday: Dallas won a nailbiter in overtime against the Giants yesterday, while the Eagles snuck out a win over the Chiefs.
This just in: Results are in for Playoff 1 and Playoff 2 for Super Motocross World Championship September 20th, 2025.
This just in: Ferrari is bringing the Testarossa back in 2027. The modern revival of the 1980's supercar introduces electric motors which kick in when the twin 4.0L V8 engine reaches approximately 200 hp, ultimately peaking at horsepower exceeding 1000. The concept car goes from 0-60 in 2 seconds.
This just in: Bmore Ravens are just slaying this year, unfortunately for the civilized world. Update: Fortunately, for the civilized world, Buffalo pulled out the W with the field goal timed perfectly right as the clock ran out at the end of the 4th quarter. Shout out to Chief Justice John Roberts who is from Buffalo.
In lighter news, I didn't find out about Cowboys v Eagles until now, so I missed the tearjerking second half last Thursday.
This just in: Baseball players of all shapes and colors have resorted to boycotting the athletic supporter, until the stolen one has been returned to it's rightful owner. In other news, the thief is still too terrified to admit it. It's really creepy, bro -- you need help.
Confession: I only have network channels at my new place for the time being, and I have been neglecting sports. But man, it's NFL pre-season... Don't you think playoff predictions are a little early?
Rory McIlroy wins the Master's Cup in sudden death against Justin Rose. 4/13/25
This just in: Florida wins. Clayton Bigsby takes over North America.
This just in: Houston v. Florida NCAA Championship game Monday, April 7, 2025. Go Cougs...
This just in: The Final Four is down to Cougars v. Duke and Auburn v. Florida.
This just in: NBA players no longer make a living wage -- they have to take lawsuit "street acting" gigs from Kim Kardashian nowadays to pay the bills.
March Madness approaches -- NCAA Basketball.
It looks like a new rivalry between Houston and San Francisco has been heating up in recent years in various professional leagues. Let's keep it on the field or arena. Golden State v Houston on February 13th.
Why would Grifty flip on Philly just to back the losing team? Was the communist version of Jack Daniels from Philly, or was that just a bologna farm? All that and chicken and waffles this spring break ($5 for a double dousie).
This just in: Netflix is beginning to stream live sporting events. Hold on to your ballcaps, sportsfans and investors, because the stock market as a whole is so overbought, that even a masterful business maneuver such as this can't make such a masterful company as Netflix (N) a buy. It's still just a hold.
This just in: Leave it to the Georgia Bulldogs to destroy the hopes and dreams of Longhorns everywhere... The Bulldogs haven't had a decent team since the 1980s, as far as I can remember. That's OK, ya'll -- just hang up the redshirts for good. Next year, maybe I'll sit in the alumni stands, and hype things up some more...
This just in: LeBron James hits 40, so every professional basketball player on the planet Earth is campaigning to sandbag him out of the NBA somehow.
Throwback news: The discrepancies between charging and blocking fouls ruined basketball for me. They ruins it! Baseketball was born... But, riddle me this: how did it wind up in the hands of two miscreants who run a cartoon show?
Dallas Cowboys pull out a W near Dallas today against the New York Giants. Turkey day is saved. I had to read the highlights, because my life is really that terrible. I blame Mark Zuckerberg -- not just for that, but for everything wrong with planet Earf. I will continue to blame him for everything wrong with the entire planet Earf, until I have gotten into his bank account, where I belong. Update: Mark Zuckerberg actually thinks that's the most outrageous thing I have ever said about him. He is grossly mistaken. I'll go easy on him now, since it's Thanksgiving. I was going to be a real jerk there.
Texas Longhorns are still in the running for CFP, despite their one-loss. Leave it to a Stoops to stoop as low as to sabotage Bevo. Every Stoops who has ever lived has had this particularly annoying life stategy. Can you imagine if The CU Buffaloes make it too, and we have a bovine CFP happy holiday season? Throw the Buffalo Bills into the NFL playoffs, and we might get steak dinners again, folks. The Bills have been looking scarier than usual the past couple of years.
Just like that -- the Dodgers win the 2024 World Series in game 5...
Did that fish just meme the meme of the meme? He absolutely did. That's why I hired him.
This just in: Men and women compete in entirely different leagues, because that's how heterosexual competition works. Stay out of men's career's please.
The NY Mets new ownership turned their ball club around and got them into the 2024 NL Championship series, after being historically terrible. They'll be playing the LA Dodgers. The Dodgers sure can dodge World War III, but can they win the 2024 World Series? To be continued... [Update: Apparently, they can...]
The Texas Longhorns football team move up in the rankings to #1 in both the AP polls and coaches' polls, after some slow seasons, since Mack Brown retired. The Longhorns defeated the OU Sooners 34-3 on 10/13/24 at The Cotton Bowl in Dallas, arguably one of the most competitive rivalries in college football.
In other news, The Detroit Lions are looking a little scarier than anybody ever thought they would (or wanted them to, for that matter), since the Barry Sanders days...
The NBA announced today that we may see some playoff and final games on network channels this year. Both the NBA and the NFL were becoming more and more inaccessable, while MLB remained available to the impoverished. Maybe there is hope for men yet, and we won't all kill each other... Men need to get their aggression out somehow. Trying to force them to "gay up their lives" just pisses them off 10x more... Amen...
I want to add one more thing to the possibility of seeing more sports on more network broadcast TV stations.
I just wanted to clarify what I meant about teams named "Giants," since I was lecturing the internet community near Stanford a few minutes ago:
Destroying San Francisco's hopes and dreams since January of 2021...
Bring out the chains next time or shenanigans! I'm not even watching the rest...
The pressure is real. The best way to destroy a city's hopes and dreams is by losing a Super Bowl.
The propoganda is real... I've seen this sort of thing before with the Pats vs the Raiders...
Who thought it was a good idea to pump up the 49ers and the Giants like this?
B. Purdy bends the knee on 3rd and 11 for the win...
