This just in: Save some of that dookie that has been getting rubbed in the noses of FBI agents for the employees of Snapchat who apparently think they can shoehorn anybody into any sort of sexual deviance they desire. Their sick and twisted sexual fantasies have not gone unnoticed. What kind of mind imagines this sort of thing? I have deleted snapchat forever this time. Please note the persistence of my voter registration card and the nonprofitability of Snap, Inc.

Our society is apparently so ashamed of masculinity that we have gayed the whole country... Our old people need to stop embarassing us. If they are trying to make us weak and ripe for invasion, mission accomplished. Masculine leadership does not belong in prison or California, guys -- it belongs in leadership positions in our society. Old people ought to be ashamed of themselves.

This just in: As the aggrieved and disgruntled business community in North America rubs html5 (making streaming video files a breeze on any webserver) in the nose of the foreign [India] Google (owners of youtube) CEO, Americans rub dookie in the noses of FBI agents who apparently work for India...

My life reminds me of the exact opposite of Joseph Conrad's "The Heart of Darkness." I'm getting some land out in the country asap.

When are they going to bring the Rick and Morty writer/creator back? Grifty runnin around playing Rick and Morty in Tucson kind of ruined that sixth season for me. We need the original guy back. Sorry Grifty, we kinda like you OK, but we love Rick and Morty.

Liars really need to "chill out" on all the lying. Seriously, you guys need to relax. Please calm down. You're out of control with your lies and propaganda.

I've set a new goal for myself to invade Stockholm someday, rape their women, and psychologically torture their royal family. It's good to have goals. Don't give up on your dreams, kids. If you don't get the joke, albeit a little dark, you might ask a scientist. This is me embracing Californian culture. They told me to be more open to other cultures. Update: Just kidding. I'm actually more open to Scandanavian culture. My next phone will be a Nokia.

Wise man once ask about stalkers: Is anyone actually that crazy?

Warriors and murderers are two different things. Warriors don't shoot civilians in their sleep.

In other unrelated news: Someone told me the punk't guy has a broken foot or something right now. Can the young ladies of planet Earf do me a favor please and barrage him with nudies to turn him into a jerkoff. Don't accept his indecent proposals. His money is tainted and he's infected with something that I haven't invented yet. Kthanks. Update: When I said nudies, I meant ass and titties -- I'm not a terrorist, ffs...

Fun fact: Giants and homosexuals are two entirely different things. While they are equivalently terrifying, they are not equal.

This just in: Penis envy has become one of the biggest problems North America has ever seen. E-peen envy is also a serious problem.

I've decided that I must become freakishly strong to make money in North America. Intelligence is not rewarded, because communist charlatans can just pretend they actually do anything. Strength is more difficult to fake. Therefore, I must become so freakishly strong that I can crush all of you with one hand.

This just in: Mark Zuckerberg is on another one of his ranting tirades about how him owing everything to me is somehow not my problem and my actual problem is some other completely unrelated thing that does not have anything to do with money, when if I had a bunch of cash, I would have absolutely no problems whatsoever -- the end.

This just in: A number of "revenge-rantings" have been observed on the internet over the past few years. Needless to say, the "victims" deserved it, because of their ne'er-do-well-esque behavioral problems. The rantings and ravings were of the revenging variety, indeed. Not only that, but the revenge was of the eye-for-an-eye-tooth-for-a-tooth variety and applied delicately, surreptitiously, rapidly, and repeatedly with a razor blade, rather than of the rampaging-chainsaw-massacre or nuclear-wastelander variety.

This Black Friday has turned into an emotional trainwreck. We might be able to ratchet up the next hill to turn it into a rollercoaster, instead [that goddamned cultured scientist...]. Reports speak of verklempt women on voracious tirades after learning that Matt Stone and Trey Parker have lost their butthole honor -- they have officially become besmirched...

I'm going to pound on the internet, until it poops out rectangles if I have to -- I'm getting these sites relaunched with encryption, one way or another...

This just in: Apparently, "Elon Musk" thinks I have destroyed his entire hopes and dreams. I disagree. I think he actually did that to me first, by not paying his licensing fees, defaming me damn near into the grave, and attempting to kill me (as far as I can tell -- I actually cannot prove that). I actually don't care -- I just want my licensing fees, which are actually substantial to me. It's like $250,000 by federal law, because they are two different companies infringing on my copyright. I was planning on hunting him down and throwing my weight around to beat money out of him, and some morons messed with my Jeep. I'm still super salty about all the people who died. I really don't enjoy listening to villains whine. Please tell him to stop. I just want my licensing fees. Why is that so outrageous?

This just in: Apparently, I made some distasteful joke right after someone died or something. I would like to publicly apologize. People owe me so much money that I don't actually spend what I do have on cable TV right now, so I didn't actually know that. I don't really use social media that much either, and nobody told me. I just text people... Sorry.. I'm actually pleading ignorance. Update: Women are mad that I don't just divine the "intel" that I'm supposed to have. You know what? Let's just rename this whole website: womenaremadatmepleasedontkillme.com

Fun fact: Not only is Jesus rooting for me in my lawsuit, but so is Ginger-Jesus. Believe it or not, there is a Ginger-Jesus and an anti-Ginger-Christ right now. Obviously, this is metaphorical, but the point is clear, at least to me. White people are complicated. The gingers are just one branch of white people, and they have their own sub-branches even. There are Swedish gingers of the Scandanavian variety, Irish Gingers, Syrian War Rebel gingers, Russian gingers, etc. Gingers are a complicated bunch.

This just in: Long-distance relationships rarely work out -- please calm down.

This just in: $0.21 bounties have been issued for the capture of the leader of the sellout cultists (i.e., the knife party terrorist organization) and the issuer of bounties on citizens' personal items, respectively.

This just in: Whoopi Goldberg reportedly believed a blown $1 fuse killed me. That is actually not true, as it turns out. I actually don't know her. She drove by to gloat as I dragged my Jeep home that evening.

This just in: The ham-handlers in The US Federal Government stole Christmas again with a honey baked Christmas ham. When asked for comment, The Biden Administration said, "he was a little gamey, but all in all, it was worth the $50 reward bounty bonus on our pay checks." The Hamburglar could not be reached for comment.

Fun fact: US Federal Government employees are trained to destroy their own families, so they will never truly care about anyone -- just in case they have to go on a murder-cover-up-rampage-spree.

I get a lot of stalker weirdos, so I thought I'd chime in with my two cents and give my "Shovel, Club, Money, Love" lecture again. Notice how I find nothing but shovels while searching for love.

Fun fact: No one is forcing you to peruse my web server.

Fun fact: I have encountered so many sellouts and traitors in my life that if you were to admit that my enemy exploited some weakness in your social/family circle to attempt to villainize me or destroy my entire life, I would more than likely forgive you immediately. I know exactly how wealthy these idiots are.

This just in: Old timers from all over the place ought to mind their own careers, please. Young people actually need to eat.

Rhetorical news questions: Who is putting all the fags on TV? Why aren't they getting beat up? Maybe we have to beat them up to keep them off our TV sets.

So, you want to make America great again... Well, Stop killing all of the smart people, then... We kind of need them. We need the strong people, too.

I'm not your slave boy. I'm suing Mark Zuckerberg, one way or another, even if I have to go outside of the legal system, and I don't care about the consequences. I'm getting my life back, no matter who wants me to or not.

Tim Cook is even gayer than you thought he was

Let's hope you get games for Christmas now... At least I have a security camera to keep an eye on my Jeep now, so I can start working on it again.

Why you're the criminal piece of shit, and I'm not.

I was going to meme my best lawyer impersonation, but I don't have an eye visor.

Wow, if I knew all I had to do to chase all the stalkers away was record some d2 footage, I would have done that decades ago...

The new politically correct term for pinko-commy-bologna-farmers is Swiss-Catholic-Extremist-Watch-Makers...

If they thought they could send me to hell, they have no idea what hell actually is... That's OK... They'll find out...

On this Memorial Day, we honor all of the veterans who died defending us from foreign and domestic threats.

We point the cannon at you sometimes during The Super Bowl as a deterrent. You just don't get it.

Litigation attorneys are chicken shits... Prove me wrong...

Your irrational behavior has not gone unnoticed...

Why I continue...

Give respect, get respect...

Nobody needs to get in trouble...

If you're curious why I continue to pursue litigation, allow me to explain

Of course, college students on spring break are not the problem. Why are these foreigners after our universities?

This is good advice for anyone visiting anywhere, in my opinion: if you're not invited, stick to the advertised tourist destinations.

Why did I move out here?

This is my own personal anger management. Lawsuits will do this to you.

Has Lockheed become a terrorist organization?

Foreigners need to be respectful in North America:

Why do Italians/Muslims keep coming to The West starting trouble?

Apparently, my argument about not being a direct competitor at the time was not well-received. Allow me to clarify.

Preview of a preview of the custom OS coming in the next few years. Check n-dtech.com/news for details.

Despite how badly they want me to, I'm not ever going to go haywire.

Quit screwing everything up for everyone in Texas...

Here's a little rant I call Idiots with Responsibility (Download). Keep watching until the end for a tasteful spin on a tasteless joke. Or, stream below:

My impersonation of the California Communist (human sacrifice):

Please stop with the identity thievery and assault on my career.

I dislike all of the attention and having to justify my actions to people all the time, but I have found it is better than keeping people guessing. Anyway, I'm pretty friendly, but if you live far away, it might be a very long time, before I ever meet you: