This just in: A look-a-like of President Donald Trump is on the loose. He was last spotted somewhere in South Texas a few weeks ago.
This just in: Apparently, I walked in on some sort of three-way between Paris Hilton, Eminem, and Anderson Cooper in Moab, Utah in February of 2021. I didn't even know they were related, and I'm not much of a gossip about stuff like that. I don't know why they had to push me out the window like that. That exacerbated World War 3 for some reason unknown to me. My legs are actually fine (all three of them) -- false alarm... My shoe collection isn't doing too well however. I mean, I have a couple pair, but they aren't that great. One pair is pretty nice though.
This just in: Mark Zuckerberg has been forced to join with the Democrats; conservatives have disowned him...
Download my most ridiculous explanation yet of how The USA is kind of falling apart, or watch below:
How did a civil case turn criminal? "Stormy Daniels" turned into some sort of look-a-like contest in prison. Why did The Biden Administration take the reigns on the civil/criminal agenda? Why was this not left to The Judicial Branch? We may never know... Then again, I've heard tales that prisoners don't do much besides talk.
In other news, Charlie Daniels, the communist version of Jack Daniels, was found alive and well the other day. Apparently, he's not dead at all...
Philosophical rhetorical political question: Do foreigners have freedom of speech rights in The USA? Does the Bill of Rights apply to them when they are undocumented illegals? These are important questions to ask right now...
This just in: People don't always recognize unexpected visitors they've never met in person. In fact, more often than not, they mistake people for someone else, and then they feel kind of stupid later. This happens to people more often than people might think. People actually appreciate a phone call to set an appointment first. People actually need their phones to work, or it causes an outrageous number of problems for people in general. Switchboards operating properly are kind of important.
This just in: Political instability is kind of a problem for everyone. Please write your senator and tell him to stop being a ripoff artist. We're going to need to see some ID, Mr. Senator. You're too old to be playin' pretend, sir...
Rumor has it that our old people gave The USA to eunuchs from India. That makes me sad for Christmas.
Rumor has it, "Elon Musk" invited President-Elect Donald Trump and his wife to double date with him. Is "Elon Musk" planning on bringing his mama?
Rhetorical Political Question: Are the two parallel countries in The USA, (1)the federal government and (2)everyone else, in agreement on literally anything? Every five minutes is an emergency.
Russian propaganda like Ted Cruz has to stop. It's out of control. Someone call the Russian guy at Google and tell him to stop, please.
Throwback news from a year and a half ago: I warned black people to stay out of my lawsuit, because I knew I would grow to hate you, if you didn't, because they already did this to me with Italians, because I'm Catholic. They want everybody to hate me and vice versa. I warned ya'll this would happen. This is the only video I could find, but I said it 3 or 4 times. I don't like the way this turned out either. Leave me tf alone.
This just in: Politicians in Washington D.C. are reported to be "growing some balls" and standing up to being bullied. Apparently, for the past decade or two, they've just been getting kicked around by foreign savages and forced to look the other way. When Bernie Sanders was asked how he could stand up to them at his age, he replied, "I hired armed guards." Let's see how The Trump Administration handles things before we jump out of skyscraper windows.
Meanwhile, Cory Booker from New Jersey thinks murdering white people is the normal American Way. Democrats are still wondering why I was trying to move to European Jam Land™ so desperately. You guys are so stupid to me. I haven't seen a white person in years. Both whites and Native Americans have become an endangered species in North America, as far as I'm concerned. You guys can have Earf... I'm leaving.
Some Americans have resorted to hibernating, until nuclear winter is over. Leadership is literally that bad. The military won't even talk to us. Are they friend or foe? They sure as hell won't let us fight. What else are we supposed to do, you idiots? Sit here with our thumbs up our asses? Nobody can get anything done, with everybody running around murdering, robbing, and sabotaging everything. If there's going to be a war, let's just have a war out in the open. Your guerilla warfare lifestyle choices are not appreciated, and you can tell Washington DC I said so. To be continued...
This just in: "Elon Musk" seems to think he lives in Russia and gave himself some sort of "czarship." Apparently, he picked a fight [read: war] with The US Federal Government for some stupid reason. Read more here, in the Wall Street Journal. Ramaswamy and Musk, aka, Bollywoo, are staging some sort of coup d'etat on The USA with the diverse country of India against whom we have been fighting World War 3 for the past 5 years. Neither of the two can prove citizenship of any known country. Read more here, in the Wall Street Journal. Indian and Russian leadership at Google have declined to comment. As it turns out, Asian countries are more likely to side with one another than with us in a global conflict. Buckle up, folks. Maybe if we play nice with the Chinese, who built an enormous wall to keep these sorts of people out, we might make it out of the woods. They are better capitalists than we give them credit. This war is against communism, the way I see it. The severed fiber optic cable in the baltic by the Chinese ship appeared to have been sabotaged by Russian pirates who had taken over the ship and changed their routes entirely. They are desperate to turn us against China, because if they allied with China, they would have a much better chance of winning. China is the organized well-run country. Russia and India are disorganized and volatile.
Rhetorical business question: Are big-shot billionaires always business moguls, or are they occasionally invading generals with an entire country funding their war campaign? Do we have an accountant in the building? Something doesn't look right to me. I see dead people.
Foreigners are a little too aggressive to citizens, for us to accomodate their wishes.
This just in: Courtney Love and Ted Bundy can't seem to get along.
Fun fact: If the government botches an execution, they let you go. Source: I bumped into one of them (actually three of them, but who is counting) on the streets of Tucson a couple of years ago.
This just in: Messing with the post office destroyed Democrats' reputations irreparably. Apparently, they were always doing that, they just weren't getting caught.
This just in: The six candidates in the Corpus Christi, Texas election led to a runoff between Paulette Guajardo (Democrat -- incumbent), Mike Hunt (Republican) [get it?], and Dr. John Emil Petersen III (Libertarian). One of the six on the initial ballot was "Anthem Powers," as if politics weren't enough of a joke in North America right now; that was really a cheap shot at me which diluted my support. We're going to have to turn Paulette and Mike Hunt out to see who they really are, before the runoff election which will be from December 2nd to 14th. Rumor has it, the country of India reincarnated him as Mike Hunt from his previous self. Who is responsible for the crackhead invasion, guys? Let's vote for one of the other ones. Let's make the runoff idea a horrible mistake on their part and make me mayor instead. We have to get it done on Monday, or it won't work. Let's see if democracy really works. Update: Tyrion Lannister put in his official endorsement for John Petersen III already.
Fun fact: Junk bond status and destruction of wealth are not only bad for GDP and the dollar, but no one will let us borrow money. Please stop, Democrats. For the love of God, please stop. Oh wait, those were Republicans, weren't they? Why are they acting like Democrats?
This just in: People wanted to fire all the police a few years ago, because they don't euthanize hacker scum, like they are supposed to.
This just in: Republicans may maintain control of the House of Representatives, unless Democrats obtain 13 of the remaining 17 seats. Republicans seized control of The US Senate (as of Monday morning (11/11/2024).
The battle for Ken Paxton's soul is almost over.
Fun fact: Texas Republicans, California Republicans, and New York Republicans do not necessarily hold the same values or beliefs. Texans do not appreciate the Ellis Island mentality as much as New Yorkers may think. We prefer invited guests.
This just in: The FBI issued a public statement this weekend to The Wall Street Journal that assassination attempts of US citizens on US soil by Iranians will never be tolerated. US citizens on US soil are still waiting for them to "walk the walk," so to speak.
Fun fact: Hiring "replacements" for people in society by having actors pretend to be them is communism. Firing shitty anchormen and "intelligence" officers to hire competant new people is capitalism.
News Flash to Washington DC: People do not want to have to murder their local grocers in order to eat. That's kind of why people still work, believe it or not. 3D printers are not actually dangerous. The government murdering our jobs away actually is.
Fun fact: Elected government officials often destroy teenagers lives before they get out of public school. No kidding...
Fun fact: Chief Justice John Roberts of The US Supreme Court is from Buffalo, NY.
This just in: "Elon Musk," the openly homosexual foreign savage slave-trader, has started some sort of political action committee (PAC) in The USA, even though he cannot legally vote in The USA, since he is a foreigner. Apparently, he is trying to bribe voters to do his evil bidding. Read more in Forbes, here.
Forget muscle death, how about some humble pie with ego death (I outlined the text in Savannah yellow instead of Indie Jam Land™ Green, because I need a patsy for this meme:
In other news, politicians keep forgetting which branch of government they are in, and they keep trying to bologna my lawsuit away...
Fun fact: People do not enjoy hearing excuses from government officials. If you cannot get the job done -- you are incompetent, by definition. You need to resign. In the real world, people get fired for incompetence all the time...
I keep hearing how nice Guantanamo Bay is this time of year:
Early voting in Texas starts October 21st, 2024. The deadline to register to vote is Monday, October 7th, 2024. You cannot vote without being registered. Deadline to vote is November 5th, 2024.
I'll probably vote for Trump, because Biden scares the shit out of me, and Kamala Harris was his running mate. Not to mention Kamala Harris is from the San Francisco Bay, and I'm suing Mark Zuckerberg who is working in that area. I doubt Trump cares much about facebook -- he made his own social media app. I actually just voted for Chase Oliver (Libertarian), Ted Brown (Libertarian), Denise Villalobos (Republican), and Eric "Chuy" Cantu (nonpartisan), because I actually know who they are. I left the rest of the ballot blank, because I've literally never heard of any of these people, and/or I don't know enough about them. Most candidates for any office are cover-up artists, in my experience, as far as I can tell. I at least know a little something about the families of the people I voted for, and they seem like half-way decent humans.
Ted Cruz or Collin Allred...? How do they come up with these names? I doubt either one of them are American citizens or even have voter registration cards. Just kill me now, and get it over with. Or, we can meme Ted Brown into the stratosphere and have a legitimate third party in Texas. I remember him sounding like he had some sense in his head at the Texas Libertarian conference in Corpus Christi, earlier this year. Check out Ted Brown's site. I don't have any affiliation with him, but I am a Texas Libertarian.
Why can't we get a halfway decent replacement for Ken Paxton? We have to wait until 2026 for that, apparently...
Make sure you register to vote and vote in person in 2024. Believe it or not, that was more a stab at Rupert Murdoch than Joe Biden. You'd have to understand how sleezebags like Murdochs operate to really understand. Obviously, I'm not a felon if I have a voter registration card. Really, I'm not a criminal at all, the way I see it. I'm not the criminal you were looking for...
Somebody please send this to Anthony Blinken, please.
I'll probably leave North America forever, if this chaos continues.
I didn't see anything about any crime in that entire article on CNN. Are we sure this trial isn't actually a lawsuit against the sellout Cohen? CNN does bologna like this to me sometimes. They are super untrustworthy. Don't make me meme my voter registration card and credentials again. It gets tiring.
Here's a message from your friendly local delegate of the Texas Libertarian Party:
A centrist's assessment of The State of the Union Address:
Who goes on the presidential ballots this October-November? Everything [State of the Union, anyone?] is running a little later than anyone ought to be comfortable with... Figure it out quickly, please:
Hey Joe, isn't The State of the Union typically given in January?
I am not alone in my individualism and free-market capitalism. The moment we bow to corruption, communism, or facism is when our democracy dies.
Allow me to elaborate:
This is a little scary:
Similarities between The Progressive Era at the turn of the 20th century:
Are you good or evil? Maybe you're in between? Watch this and find out...
This just in...
Marky... That's so inappropriate, given your war criminal status...
What's that you say, Paul? The Moors? Oh no!
Let's try to calm down, folks...
Give them a broom... Give them a pressure washer...
Why aren't we calling WWIII WWIII?
I guess they are playing "king maker" in congress right now...
