Eyewitness News™

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You'll never understand my lab-to-fab-mentality...

Here is a temporal argument against preemptive striking. Everybody is getting sick and tired of all of this nonsense.

For those who do not follow the laws of gods and men, you may get what you wish for -- just not in the way you desired...

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Go home foreign frauds

Rumor has it, the camel intends on hiring a foreign jockey for his cabinet...

Public service announcement: be careful for rattlesnakes in the stormdrains...

Hopefully, my actions today have been enough to broker peace long enough to settle this ridiculous lawsuit, and people can get back to their everyday lives:

Here is a tentative final update on my daily summaries, assuming the media continues to cooperate. Then, I won't have to do their job for them anymore. :) I still update each tab and put a story on the homepage occasionally, though -- at least, until I get my settlement.

Public service announcement, regarding patrols in The Gulf of Mexico north of Corpus Christi, Texas. Hopefully, it's just a drill, folks. Gooooood morning, Vietnam...

Attention -- public service announcement about those electric heaters. Get an oil one instead. The fire hazard is real, if you have gas in your home.

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Smile :)

Not to put words in your mouth pal, but just do everybody a favor and have a laugh about it...

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I'm going to start doing the news in two minutes or less, every single day, until I get my settlement. I'm going to hit your bottom line in the media, until you start helping me with my lawsuit. I don't care about news broadcasting -- I care about suing Mark Zuckerberg. Unfortunately for you, I'm better at breaking the news than you are, and I WILL hit your bottom line -- I promise you, even if it takes years. :) Check back every day. Bookmark this site.






1/17/24; I skipped yesterday, so I've got a long one for you today (4:11)





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